So this is my second one today because I missed yesterday, but I wanted to talk about this because there has been a great deal of conversation and controversy surrounding it over the last few days. I feel that way too many people judge others based on their past actions, whether it be their distant past or their recent past. I think that while someone's past can sometimes be a good indicator of someone's future, but I don't think it's fair to say so&so screwed up ten years ago, so they're bad news. Or, so&so is pretending to try to change their life, but they've tried before and failed, so they're bound to fail again.
I have a bit of a messy past. But, I plan to have a better future. I've been married twice, and both times, I was the one who decided to end my marriage. The first time I was only 16 when I got married, but it's because I had a six-week old baby with the man. That marriage was very messy. I don't think either of us actually loved the other one by the time we got to the point of being married. So he cheated, and then I cheated, and then he cheated some more. And, we fought like crazy-hits & kicks, & chokes, and things thrown. And, then it was done. I left and filed for divorce.
I then spent the next several months being very promiscuous. I also stole a pretty large sum of money. In addition, I was arrested for criminal trespass. All of these things, seemed like fun while I was doing them, and I learned quite a bit about myself. But after awhile, I decided I needed something more, and I started dating my second husband. This, too, started out messy because I didn't start the relationship correctly. I was in love with someone else, but that person was technically unavailable. So, I settled for the man I married, instead.
I, in deciding to get married, stopped talking to said guy. This lasted for quite awhile. I did everything I was supposed to. I quit talking to all of my friends, guys and girls alike. I cooked on occasion-someone else cooks most often. I tried to keep things less messy. But, I totally and completely threw myself into doing everything I thought I needed to do to be what he wanted me to be. But, it didn't work. Giving up yourself for someone else never works. So same thing all over again. He cheated, I cheated, he cheated, I cheated. We fought like crazy. And, we separated several times. Finally, on our five year anniversary, I decided I was done. We separated, and are still in the process of filing for divorce.
So, now six years after I went wild the first time, I'm single again. And, who is the first person I text? That's right. The guy I fell for before ever getting married. He was still not completely available, but his marriage looked like mine. I also went back to hanging out with several of my old friends. This, unfortunately, led to many poor decisions. I experimented with drug use for awhile, I became very promiscuous all over again, and I ended up catching another charge. But, again, I thought it was fun while it was happening, and learned even more about myself.
The biggest thing I have learned in all of this is that, first and foremost, I have to know who I am and what I want out of life before I can ever seriously date someone again. I also figured out that, although I will always love him, the guy who I loved for so long, is so skitso that I now know, it has absolutely no potential. But, we will probably remain friends because we have been through a great deal of stuff together. I have decided I am through worrying about what other people need all the time. I have, several times, done without things I needed or wanted to give to other people, who are supposed to be my friends. And, I found out the hard way that many of those friends were only friends until I didn't have money or a ride. Only a few stayed true regardless. And, I am tired of having to defend myself to people over choosing to stay friends with said people.
I am also making lots of changes in my life. I am getting rid of the people who only take and never give. Whether they be family, so-called friends, or people I've met randomly. If you don't give back in some way that is beneficial to me the way that I give to you, I'm done. I am no longer dealing with people who are judgmental as hell. No one has the right to judge me or my life or anyone in it. And, in doing this, I am getting on my feet, getting me a vehicle, and getting a place for me and my kids by December. I work everyday towards completing this goal. This is partly because of the decisions I've already mentioned making and partly because it's the only way my kids are going to learn about life without being fed stereotypes.
Most people who know me will see this or hear this and say, 'there's no way. She'll mess up again. It's only a matter of time. Her history is a good indication.' These are the type of people I am done with. I had a really good friend say to me several times in the last few days that he's making changes. I was a little incredulous at first because he, like me, has a very messy past. And, then I realized if I can change, so can he. And, if he can make it, so can I. He told me today, you can change who you are and what you want without by changing what your goals are. He's right. And, no matter what decisions I've made ever, he's never judged me. Many times he's been there for me when no one else was. Oddly, though, he's one I have to fight with so many over being friends with. But, screw them. They don't know the whole story.
Anyways, so I personally believe that anyone can change if they truly want to, and sometimes it just takes the right motivation and someone to believe in you. The first step is looking at your past and admitting what mistakes you've made. Then you have to figure out what led you to making them, and how to not end up making them again. But, knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and trigger points is a great way of keeping yourself from back-tracking. Another thing is having the will to fight for what you want, and if you do mess up, admit it, fix it, and keep working towards what you want.
Am I wrong to think that all people can change? Am I crazy for thinking I won't end up right back where I started? Will I make it? Does anyone else have anything to add? Or an opinion on the subject? Does your past define your future? I say no. Do you say yes? Please feel free to share in the comments section. Thanks. :)
I have a bit of a messy past. But, I plan to have a better future. I've been married twice, and both times, I was the one who decided to end my marriage. The first time I was only 16 when I got married, but it's because I had a six-week old baby with the man. That marriage was very messy. I don't think either of us actually loved the other one by the time we got to the point of being married. So he cheated, and then I cheated, and then he cheated some more. And, we fought like crazy-hits & kicks, & chokes, and things thrown. And, then it was done. I left and filed for divorce.
I then spent the next several months being very promiscuous. I also stole a pretty large sum of money. In addition, I was arrested for criminal trespass. All of these things, seemed like fun while I was doing them, and I learned quite a bit about myself. But after awhile, I decided I needed something more, and I started dating my second husband. This, too, started out messy because I didn't start the relationship correctly. I was in love with someone else, but that person was technically unavailable. So, I settled for the man I married, instead.
I, in deciding to get married, stopped talking to said guy. This lasted for quite awhile. I did everything I was supposed to. I quit talking to all of my friends, guys and girls alike. I cooked on occasion-someone else cooks most often. I tried to keep things less messy. But, I totally and completely threw myself into doing everything I thought I needed to do to be what he wanted me to be. But, it didn't work. Giving up yourself for someone else never works. So same thing all over again. He cheated, I cheated, he cheated, I cheated. We fought like crazy. And, we separated several times. Finally, on our five year anniversary, I decided I was done. We separated, and are still in the process of filing for divorce.
So, now six years after I went wild the first time, I'm single again. And, who is the first person I text? That's right. The guy I fell for before ever getting married. He was still not completely available, but his marriage looked like mine. I also went back to hanging out with several of my old friends. This, unfortunately, led to many poor decisions. I experimented with drug use for awhile, I became very promiscuous all over again, and I ended up catching another charge. But, again, I thought it was fun while it was happening, and learned even more about myself.
The biggest thing I have learned in all of this is that, first and foremost, I have to know who I am and what I want out of life before I can ever seriously date someone again. I also figured out that, although I will always love him, the guy who I loved for so long, is so skitso that I now know, it has absolutely no potential. But, we will probably remain friends because we have been through a great deal of stuff together. I have decided I am through worrying about what other people need all the time. I have, several times, done without things I needed or wanted to give to other people, who are supposed to be my friends. And, I found out the hard way that many of those friends were only friends until I didn't have money or a ride. Only a few stayed true regardless. And, I am tired of having to defend myself to people over choosing to stay friends with said people.
I am also making lots of changes in my life. I am getting rid of the people who only take and never give. Whether they be family, so-called friends, or people I've met randomly. If you don't give back in some way that is beneficial to me the way that I give to you, I'm done. I am no longer dealing with people who are judgmental as hell. No one has the right to judge me or my life or anyone in it. And, in doing this, I am getting on my feet, getting me a vehicle, and getting a place for me and my kids by December. I work everyday towards completing this goal. This is partly because of the decisions I've already mentioned making and partly because it's the only way my kids are going to learn about life without being fed stereotypes.
Most people who know me will see this or hear this and say, 'there's no way. She'll mess up again. It's only a matter of time. Her history is a good indication.' These are the type of people I am done with. I had a really good friend say to me several times in the last few days that he's making changes. I was a little incredulous at first because he, like me, has a very messy past. And, then I realized if I can change, so can he. And, if he can make it, so can I. He told me today, you can change who you are and what you want without by changing what your goals are. He's right. And, no matter what decisions I've made ever, he's never judged me. Many times he's been there for me when no one else was. Oddly, though, he's one I have to fight with so many over being friends with. But, screw them. They don't know the whole story.
Anyways, so I personally believe that anyone can change if they truly want to, and sometimes it just takes the right motivation and someone to believe in you. The first step is looking at your past and admitting what mistakes you've made. Then you have to figure out what led you to making them, and how to not end up making them again. But, knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and trigger points is a great way of keeping yourself from back-tracking. Another thing is having the will to fight for what you want, and if you do mess up, admit it, fix it, and keep working towards what you want.
Am I wrong to think that all people can change? Am I crazy for thinking I won't end up right back where I started? Will I make it? Does anyone else have anything to add? Or an opinion on the subject? Does your past define your future? I say no. Do you say yes? Please feel free to share in the comments section. Thanks. :)
There is no future in the past! And everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes, no matter how bad, aren't what makes one good or bad. It's what you gain from the mistake... Blow it off, blame someone else, deny it being a mistake = bad character; learn from it, change things that led to it, own up to it, and try to make amends for it = good character. Just remember be sorry for what you did, not sorry you got caught!
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