I'm sitting here reflecting on the way my life has gone over the course of the last month and wondering how I ended up here. I had my goals in place. I had a plan. I was working on that plan. Then at the beginning of October, life happened and things started getting off track. The rest of the month didn't get any better. The beginning of this month was hell and I can only hope it gets better by the end. But, at this point, while hopeful, I am also very skeptical...
Okay, so back to the beginning of October. On the very first day of the month, I went to a party at a home-boy's house and ended up getting so drunk that I not only puked everywhere for about an hour, I also woke up the next day with very little recollection of the previous nights events. The rest of the second and part of the third, I still don't remember a whole lot about. I know I spent the next week sleeping and trying to figure out what had happened.
By the ninth, I had made a deal with a friend that in return for some cash I owed him, I would go all the way to Griffin and pick up his girlfriend and deliver her and her kid to his house. I don't have a car, so I had to make a different deal with a different guy to get a ride to settle that debt. Lucky for me, the guy who gave me the ride is fairly easy to cut a deal with. So, we went and made that trip and that was all settled up.
By the time we got back, I decided to just stay the night at that guys house since he had given me the ride. Early the next morning, on the tenth of October, he and I drove to a nearby convenience store and I, being the flirt that I am, started a conversation with the guy behind the counter. That ended with me inviting myself to go home with him for the day. That turned into a week-long thing. And, I also reverted back to some of my worst habits during that week. We mostly had fun, and we ended up being okay friends.
After he went home, I had a few days to sleep off my high before I had to report for probation. I, of course, showed up there worried about a piss test, which I got lucky with. But, my probation officer informed me that I was going to have to go to court on the twenty-fifth for a probation revocation hearing. Turns out that even though they had originally given me twelve months, they only had the jurisdiction to give me six and my six was almost up. And, I had completed nothing. I came home that night and went back to sleep after deciding I would maybe do some of my community service before court to see if that would help.
The next night, though, I walked a mile and a half down the road and spent the night with one of my friends. The day after that, which was the nineteenth of October, one of my close friends hit me up and wanted to come hang out. He finally made it by midnight the twentieth. He then stayed and hung out with me to try to keep me out of trouble until the twenty-fourth, which was the night before I went to court. He left that night though, and a different friend showed up with an offering of the thing I hate the most. I obviously didn't make it to community service or any of my other classes or counseling because I had all this other stuff going on. And, I had decided that doing the remainder of my time in jail would be easier than trying to complete the stuff or come up with the money.
So, I went to court the next day, the twenty-fifth, and got a dirty piss test back. I was a bit worried about that for a minute until I found out that they were only going to list it as another violation in argument for the revocation. So, once in front of the judge, I was sentenced to fifteen days, which was the remainder of my probation. To jail I went, which is where I spent the beginning of this month. I got out on the ninth. So... five days ago and I've already had a few people trying to talk me into getting in trouble.
Thank goodness my same homeboy who stayed for the few days before I got locked up is helping me remember to stay out of trouble. We're trying to mutually help each other that way. My plan now is to try to get back on track. He's helping me figure out how to do that, and I at the same time am helping him. My hope is that in helping each other, we help ourselves. More details about my plans for getting back on track will be in the blog entry following this one.
If you have any comments or anything to add to this, please feel free to comment. Also, if you have any similar experiences, feel free to share those, as well. And, thanks for taking the time to read my blog, even if this entry was all about how bad I've tried to fuck up my life in the last month.
Okay, so back to the beginning of October. On the very first day of the month, I went to a party at a home-boy's house and ended up getting so drunk that I not only puked everywhere for about an hour, I also woke up the next day with very little recollection of the previous nights events. The rest of the second and part of the third, I still don't remember a whole lot about. I know I spent the next week sleeping and trying to figure out what had happened.
By the ninth, I had made a deal with a friend that in return for some cash I owed him, I would go all the way to Griffin and pick up his girlfriend and deliver her and her kid to his house. I don't have a car, so I had to make a different deal with a different guy to get a ride to settle that debt. Lucky for me, the guy who gave me the ride is fairly easy to cut a deal with. So, we went and made that trip and that was all settled up.
By the time we got back, I decided to just stay the night at that guys house since he had given me the ride. Early the next morning, on the tenth of October, he and I drove to a nearby convenience store and I, being the flirt that I am, started a conversation with the guy behind the counter. That ended with me inviting myself to go home with him for the day. That turned into a week-long thing. And, I also reverted back to some of my worst habits during that week. We mostly had fun, and we ended up being okay friends.
After he went home, I had a few days to sleep off my high before I had to report for probation. I, of course, showed up there worried about a piss test, which I got lucky with. But, my probation officer informed me that I was going to have to go to court on the twenty-fifth for a probation revocation hearing. Turns out that even though they had originally given me twelve months, they only had the jurisdiction to give me six and my six was almost up. And, I had completed nothing. I came home that night and went back to sleep after deciding I would maybe do some of my community service before court to see if that would help.
The next night, though, I walked a mile and a half down the road and spent the night with one of my friends. The day after that, which was the nineteenth of October, one of my close friends hit me up and wanted to come hang out. He finally made it by midnight the twentieth. He then stayed and hung out with me to try to keep me out of trouble until the twenty-fourth, which was the night before I went to court. He left that night though, and a different friend showed up with an offering of the thing I hate the most. I obviously didn't make it to community service or any of my other classes or counseling because I had all this other stuff going on. And, I had decided that doing the remainder of my time in jail would be easier than trying to complete the stuff or come up with the money.
So, I went to court the next day, the twenty-fifth, and got a dirty piss test back. I was a bit worried about that for a minute until I found out that they were only going to list it as another violation in argument for the revocation. So, once in front of the judge, I was sentenced to fifteen days, which was the remainder of my probation. To jail I went, which is where I spent the beginning of this month. I got out on the ninth. So... five days ago and I've already had a few people trying to talk me into getting in trouble.
Thank goodness my same homeboy who stayed for the few days before I got locked up is helping me remember to stay out of trouble. We're trying to mutually help each other that way. My plan now is to try to get back on track. He's helping me figure out how to do that, and I at the same time am helping him. My hope is that in helping each other, we help ourselves. More details about my plans for getting back on track will be in the blog entry following this one.
If you have any comments or anything to add to this, please feel free to comment. Also, if you have any similar experiences, feel free to share those, as well. And, thanks for taking the time to read my blog, even if this entry was all about how bad I've tried to fuck up my life in the last month.
