~Goals~

     I just wanted to post a short one to share my goals with you. Some of these are short-term, but some are long-term. I think goals are very important and I believe that sharing them with others helps you to accomplish them. They say this helps because you then have people rooting for you. Supposedly it makes them feel as tho they are sharing in your accomplishments and setbacks with you. So..... I guess we'll see.
So my goals that I hope to accomplish between now and December include the following:
~ Do 90 blog posts in 90 days
~ Find a steady source of income
~ Get my own ride
~ Get my own place
~ Get divorced
~ Finish my school term with 100% completion.
     Some of the steps for these things has already been put in motion. For example, I've started looking for a job, I've found out what is required from me to get into transitional housing, my divorce papers are done, I'm working on school, and, obviously, I'm blogging.These of course lead to my long-term goals, which include getting my degree and a full time job in that field. So, look for more to come in the following weeks and months to see how it goes. :)

~In-laws~

     I just realized it's after mid-night here and I haven't blogged yet today. So, here goes. :) Today, I want to talk about in-laws. Some people love theirs, some people hate them. Some are great and some are awful. As, I've stated before, I've been married twice. Both times, I was cursed with horrible in-laws.
     My first husband's name was Justin. His family consisted of his grandmother and grandfather, his mother, his uncle, and his two sisters. Their names were Susie, KT, Myra, Tracey, Lindsay, & Mariah, respectively. Susie was very sweet and liked me from the beginning, and I her. My opinion though was that she gave into other people way too often. KT on the other hand, I liked okay, but he didn't like me. He was very old-school. He thought a woman's place was in the home and that women should be meek. This is why he and Susie got along so well, and also why he disliked me.
     Then there was Myra. This woman didn't like me from day one. Literally. She threatened to beat my ass on more than one occasion. I wasn't very fond of her, either. She thought I wasn't good enough for her son and I thought she should mind her own business. This beef spilled over into my life even after I divorced her son because she questioned the paternity of my son. His uncle Tracey, on the other hand, I really liked. And, he liked me. But, he was the family outcast and tried to like everybody, so I guess he liked me because of that.
     Then there were his sisters. I liked both of them-mostly. Lindsay and I got along, usually. But, she wanted him to date her best friend, which led to us arguing quite a bit. Since we've been divorced, though, she and I have gotten along just fine. The few times we've seen each other, that is. As for Mariah, she was only two, so I have nothing negative to say about her. And, luckily, I only had these in-laws for about a year and a half.
     My second husband was Billy. My in-laws there were his mom and step-dad, dad and step-mom, two brothers, and several others who I've never met. Their names are Sally, Danny, Steve, Marie, Deano and Scotty, respectively. These in-laws lasted longer than the first set as Billy and I, while separated, are technically still married. And, we will be at six years come December. I have had issues with all of them at some point, although some less than others.
     We'll start with Sally. She, again, didn't like me from jump street. But, rather than thinking I wasn't good enough for her son, she was afraid I would try to keep him away from her.. This fear led her to being extremely rude to me almost constantly. She tried to talk him into leaving me on more than one occasion, and told me repeatedly that he had made a mistake in marrying me. She has also questioned the paternity of my children. Needless to say, I think we will both be glad when the divorce is final and we are rid of each other for good. Danny and I, on the other hand, have always gotten along, and I really liked him. We've had a few issues since Billy and I split up, but I expect him to take his son's side, so I don't blame him.
     Next are Steve and Marie. I have absolutely nothing good to say about these people. I don't know who likes who less. Them me or me them. I think the hatred is mutual. They have taken every opportunity to try to convince Billy that my children don't matter. They have also tried to get him to divorce me from the beginning, going so far as to have a friend of Marie's seduce him and threaten his life for choosing to stay with me. Their latest antics include calling CPS on me and my children out of spite because they have never been allowed to see them, and never will be.
     Lastly, there's Deano and Scotty. Deano and I have mostly gotten along throughout my marriage to Billy. He lived with us for about a year, even. And, even with the problems Billy and I have had, Deano has always stayed neutral. I have to say he is BY FAR the best in-law I have ever had. If they all seemed like family as much as Deano, all in-laws would be super. Scotty and I, have the complete opposite relationship. We are too much alike and butt heads really bad. I think he's funny and admire his dedication, but won't really miss him because of his smart mouth. I think that feeling is mutual, though.
    Anyways, so these are the in-laws I have had, and as you can see, I didn't like most of them. And, they didn't like me. Almost makes me scared at the thought that I may have to do it again at some point. Maybe I'll get better ones the next time. I certainly think I'm due. And, some people I know like their in-laws better than their own families. Where are those? Do you have problems with your in-laws? Is it just me? Am I judging this situation too harshly? What are your thoughts? Feel free to leave a comment in the comment section. Thanks. :)

My, how they grow....

     I was watching my kids play today and thought, 'Wow, they're getting so big,' I remember back when I was waiting on Joseph to get here and I was super-nervous about what being a mom would be like. That was eight years ago. My life has changed so much in the last eight years.... And, how did I not realize until today that it had been that long? I mean I know he's seven and a half, but somehow it just didn't click until today.
     At seven and a half, Joseph is in the second grade. He has his own ipod, his own cell phone, and his own laptop already. He knows how to text and he can surf the web like a pro. Joseph likes girls already and has for awhile, but he's big enough that he's already worrying about what to get them for their birthdays. In school, they're big enough that they're doing Science and Social Studies and School Projects. What happened to my baby that played in the pots and pans? The one who thought that 'The Backyardigans' was the best thing on tv? Now it's 'ICarly' and 'Wizards of Waverly Place' and WWE wrestling. I remember trying to teach him to peddle a bike, and now he rides all around the block with no problem. How did this happen? And, how did I miss it?
     Moving on, when Joseph was three, Caleb was born. He's now four and in pre-school. He's already riding a bike with training wheels, and learning so much. He told me tonight which shapes have four sides, which one has three, and which ones have none. He can count to ten, spell his name, and knows all of his colors. He also speaks very articulately. He gets up in the mornings, picks out his clothes, and gets himself dressed. This is my baby boy who not long ago was learning to walk without falling and learning to talk. Being his mother's child, the talking was mastered quickly. And , the kid who would try to flush anything he could find down the toilet? Now, he's trying to tell his sister how to go. Again, how did he get so big so fast?
     Lastly, but most certainly not least, when Caleb was seventeen months old, here came Ms. Ruthie. She's only two and a half, but she too is growing up so fast. She is already getting herself dressed, and learning her numbers and her colors. And, she speaks very well for her age. She is very independent, and it makes me sad when I realize she's the baby and already so big. She's gone from having to have headbands or min-clips to make her look girlie to wearing ponytail holders like mine with sunglasses on her head. She says she's a diva-lette. Whoop. Whoop.
     I realize that we get so busy in our everyday lives that we forget to slow down and just enjoy our children at the ages that they are, but I think I am more guilty of this than most. I lots of times get so caught up in whatever I'm doing and what I want, that I forget that they do grow so fast and won't stay small til I remember to pay attention again. So, I decided today, I am going to take out at least one hour a day to just enjoy my children for who they are. Do y'all get caught up like that? Where you're so busy with life that you look and you're shocked by how big your kids are? Is it just me? Any suggestions on ways to remember to slow down every once in a while? Please feel free to comment. Thanks. :)

Different Types of Funeral Behavior

     We all have to deal with going to a funeral or funeral home at some point. This is something I hate. Not because they are sad, although some are, but because you never know what to expect. I have been to the funeral home for several viewings and also to several funerals, and it always amazes me the things that you see there. And, no I don't mean the dead bodies-that part is a given. Below are some of the different things I have experienced at either a funeral home viewing or a funeral itself...

~The saddest funeral I have ever been to was for a still-born child. She was my aunt's baby. And, of course everyone was crying and sad. Most people were trying their best to offer condolences or words of comfort. The sweetest and saddest, but most touching part of this funeral was when the baby's 2 year old sister released balloons stating that she was sending them to her sister in Heaven.

~The craziest funeral I have ever been to was for my former step-grandfather. He had lived quite a life, and many people stood up at the funeral to share their memories of him. These included memories of him using and dealing an assortment of drugs throughout his life, a restaurant he had for awhile, his pawn shop, his adult novelties store, his multiple wives, his sense of humor, and his boiled peanuts. Everyone was laughing at these shared memories, but it seemed odd for a funeral....

~Another funeral I went to that wasn't very traditional was for my cousin's husband. He had died suddenly and left behind not only his wife, but four children. This was very sad and lots of people were crying, which was to be expected. But, at the actual funeral people were sharing their memories of this man. He was very funny and he loved his family dearly. So some memories were sad and some were hilarious. This made it very interesting because people weren't sure whether they should laugh or cry.

~My granny's funeral was the kind of funeral I've been to most often. People are sad because they will miss the person who dies, but that person was a Christian, so the belief is that they're in a better place. Also, she was elderly. Age 87, and she had suffered for quite awhile beforehand. Most of the funerals I have been to one or the other, if not both, is the case.

~Two of the more recent funerals I have been to, both for women in their sixties, were sad. One of these ladies was my distant cousin. The other was my soon-to-be ex-husband's aunt. Both women were Christians and had died very suddenly. People were falling apart and crying over the slightest little thing. It was sad, but it seemed overly dramatic to me.

~And, most recently, I went to a viewing today for my deceased grandfathers brother-in-law. I know that man's grand-daughter slightly, but don't know any of the rest of them at all. This was very awkward anyway..... and for those of you who don't know, I am overweight. I am okay with this, however. Anyway, as soon as I walk in, a woman who is technically my aunt walks up and starts taking to me. Now, I've only seen this woman maybe five times in the last twenty years. But, the first thing she said to me was, "Wow, you've gotten fat!" And, that's just the beginning. Needless to say, these people were horribly rude, and I didn't stay.

    I have been to more than just the examples I have given, but this is a good overview of the different types of behavior I have encountered. I think that it's hard to go to these things anyway, especially if it's someone you don't know well. But, if you are someone who is accustomed to doing it one way and you go somewhere where they do it differently, it's even harder. What kind of funerals have you been to? Any experiences like the one I had today? Any stories of anything touching or funny or crazy like in the examples I gave? Feel free to comment. Thanks. :)

Does your past define your future?

     So this is my second one today because I missed yesterday, but I wanted to talk about this because there has been a great deal of conversation and controversy surrounding it over the last few days. I feel that way too many people judge others based on their past actions, whether it be their distant past or their recent past. I think that while someone's past can sometimes be a good indicator of someone's future, but I don't think it's fair to say so&so screwed up ten years ago, so they're bad news. Or, so&so is pretending to try to change their life, but they've tried before and failed, so they're bound to fail again.
     I have a bit of a messy past. But, I plan to have a better future. I've been married twice, and both times, I was the one who decided to end my marriage. The first time I was only 16 when I got married, but it's because I had a six-week old baby with the man. That marriage was very messy. I don't think either of us actually loved the other one by the time we got to the point of being married. So he cheated, and then I cheated, and then he cheated some more. And, we fought like crazy-hits & kicks, & chokes, and things thrown. And, then it was done. I left and filed for divorce.
     I then spent the next several months being very promiscuous. I also stole a pretty large sum of money. In addition, I was arrested for criminal trespass. All of these things, seemed like fun while I was doing them, and I learned quite a bit about myself. But after awhile, I decided I needed something more, and I started dating my second husband. This, too, started out messy because I didn't start the relationship correctly. I was in love with someone else, but that person was technically unavailable. So, I settled for the man I married, instead.
     I, in deciding to get married, stopped talking to said guy. This lasted for quite awhile. I did everything I was supposed to. I quit talking to all of my friends, guys and girls alike. I cooked on occasion-someone else cooks most often. I tried to keep things less messy. But, I totally and completely threw myself into doing everything I thought I needed to do to be what he wanted me to be. But, it didn't work. Giving up yourself for someone else never works. So same thing all over again. He cheated, I cheated, he cheated, I cheated. We fought like crazy. And, we separated several times. Finally, on our five year anniversary, I decided I was done. We separated, and are still in the process of filing for divorce.
     So, now six years after I went wild the first time, I'm single again. And, who is the first person I text? That's right. The guy I fell for before ever getting married. He was still not completely available, but his marriage looked like mine. I also went back to hanging out with several of my old friends. This, unfortunately, led to many poor decisions. I experimented with drug use for awhile, I became very promiscuous all over again, and I ended up catching another charge. But, again, I thought it was fun while it was happening, and learned even more about myself.
     The biggest thing I have learned in all of this is that, first and foremost, I have to know who I am and what I want out of life before I can ever seriously date someone again. I also figured out that, although I will always love him, the guy who I loved for so long, is so skitso that I now know, it has absolutely no potential. But, we will probably remain friends because we have been through a great deal of stuff together. I have decided I am through worrying about what other people need all the time. I have, several times, done without things I needed or wanted to give to other people, who are supposed to be my friends. And, I found out the hard way that many of those friends were only friends until I didn't have money or a ride. Only a few stayed true regardless. And, I am tired of having to defend myself to people over choosing to stay friends with said people.
     I am also making lots of changes in my life. I am getting rid of the people who only take and never give. Whether they be family, so-called friends, or people I've met randomly. If you don't give back in some way that is beneficial to me the way that I give to you, I'm done. I am no longer dealing with people who are judgmental as hell. No one has the right to judge me or my life or anyone in it. And, in doing this, I am getting on my feet, getting me a vehicle, and getting a place for me and my kids by December. I work everyday towards completing this goal. This is partly because of the decisions I've already mentioned making and partly because it's the only way my kids are going to learn about life without being fed stereotypes.
     Most people who know me will see this or hear this and say, 'there's no way. She'll mess up again. It's only a matter of time. Her history is a good indication.' These are the type of people I am done with. I had a really good friend say to me several times in the last few days that he's making changes. I was a little incredulous at first because he, like me, has a very messy past. And, then I realized if I can change, so can he. And, if he can make it, so can I. He told me today, you can change who you are and what you want without by changing what your goals are. He's right. And, no matter what decisions I've made ever, he's never judged me. Many times he's been there for me when no one else was. Oddly, though, he's one I have to fight with so many over being friends with. But, screw them. They don't know the whole story.
     Anyways, so I personally believe that anyone can change if they truly want to, and sometimes it just takes the right motivation and someone to believe in you. The first step is looking at your past and admitting what mistakes you've made. Then you have to figure out what led you to making them, and how to not end up making them again. But, knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and trigger points is a great way of keeping yourself from back-tracking. Another thing is having the will to fight for what you want, and if you do mess up, admit it, fix it, and keep working towards what you want.
     Am I wrong to think that all people can change? Am I crazy for thinking I won't end up right back where I started? Will I make it? Does anyone else have anything to add? Or an opinion on the subject? Does your past define your future? I say no. Do you say yes? Please feel free to share in the comments section. Thanks. :)

~KARMA~

     We hear about this all the time in many forms. And, in different religions. People say they're worried about bad Karma, or that they're working to improve their karma. Sometimes, people say, "You reap what you sow," or, "You get what you put in," or, even "What goes around comes around." But, whichever way you want to say it, the fact remains, that we, as humans, believe that there are consequences for our behavior, good or bad. Below are some examples of karma at work that I've seen recently.
~People who act smugly and think they call all the shots concerning things that have nothing to do with them finding out that their opinions changed nothing. Or that even if they huffed and puffed and strutted around like they were important, they found out that they didn't matter at all.
~People who sleep around and are overly promiscuous ending up pregnant or getting someone pregnant. Or people that cheat on their significant others ending up with diseases. Sometimes both, even though they think that it can never happen to them.
~People who are greedy, whether they admit it or not, ending up with nothing because other people see it and don't like it. Said greedy people take and take and at like they never get anything. Then since they are unappreciative of the things that they get, they end up struggling to make ends meet.
~Hypocritical Christians, who claim it, but don't live it left struggling. 'Don't judge lest ye be judged' doesn't seem to be a statement that matters to them. They judge people for everything they say or do, and where they come from. And, in the end, they end up no better off than the ones that they're talking about.
And on the flip:
~People who freely give to others while struggling and doing without stuff they suddenly having everything start going right for them at every turn. Or having everything they ever wanted fall in their laps.
~Christian people who live right, suddenly getting the things that they pray for, whether it be financial success, a new house, a pregnancy they thought would never happen, or something else.
~People who are don't judge people based on where they come from or how they look or how much money they make, find love and happiness and learn things about themselves that they wouldn't have if they had stuck their noses in the air and kept walking.
     I think that karma is real and that it's very powerful. I've had my share of both good and bad, but it's because I, mostly, try to keep it balanced. I try not to be hypocritical, and I try to claim my faults. And, I most definitely don't judge people based on their looks, upbringing, or financial status. I do, however, judge whether or not they are people I want in my life based on their personality. So, while those are good traits, I guess, I also have bad ones. I AM NOT humble or modest in the least. I always expect things to go my way or fall in to place for me, but they usually do....
     The problem with some of these things is that they are a double edged sword. There are some people, such as myself, who will be selfish and take and take from some people, while being willing to give their left arm for others. And some people view things like Christianity, greed, and promiscuity differently. My idea of what defines it and yours may be totally different.
     What are these things to you? Do you think karma is real? Which side of the coin fits you? Do you mostly have good karma? Or bad karma? Or is yours, like mine, mostly balanced? To answer these questions or add any thoughts, please comment. Thanks. :)

Are your kids perfect?

     Have you ever met one of those parent's who think that their child can do no wrong? And, usually others see that child as unruly? I have. And, I just don't get it. I think you can love your kids without having to pretend they are perfect when they are not. My kids mean the world to me, but I know that they are a little unruly at times. It makes me wonder-do these parents really think their child is without faults or do they think if they pretend, others will believe it?

     Usually these kids are only children and they are doted on mercilessly by their parents leading them to think that they are entitled to whatever they want. The problem with this is that they don't learn to do things like share. They are selfish and pitch fits when they don't get their way. Some even pick fights with other kids because they know they don't get in trouble for it, anyway.

     Unfortunately, the parents of these children don't realize that in denying the fact that their children aren't perfect, they are psychologically damaging them. They are also setting them up for failure in the real world because life often doesn't go your way. And, you can't throw a temper tantrum when it doesn't. You have to have coping skills, and most of these children grow up without them.

     So what do you do when you come across parents who think their kids are perfect, when in fact no one is? Do you call their attention to their child's faults? Do you not let your children play with them because you know they're just a temper tantrum waiting to happen? What if you do say something to try to bring it to the parent's attention? Will it help if they truly didn't see it? Or will they resent you for noticing? 

     I think that people need to pay more attention to their kids and their personalities. Notice what kinds of things they do when playing with others. Are they selfish or do they start fights? Are you letting them get by with more than they should? Do you look at other people's children and think they're the problem? Maybe they partially are. But, if your child deals with the same issues with different kids, maybe your child is the issue. Maybe it's time to pull your head out of the sand and realize that while children are a gift from God, they are not perfect, and it's okay to admit it. I swear, when I meet parents like these, it sometimes makes me want to smack some sense into them. But, that's a different topic for a different time. If you have dealt with this, or think I'm wrong, or want to share an experience, feel free to leave a comment. Thanks. :)

Busy, Busy, Busy.....

     Well, today has been a busy day in the life of me. The morning started at 6:30 AM with my daughter rolling out of the bed and hitting the floor. Not a good sign. But, no time to stress over it, because it was time to get the boys up and get them ready for school. And, get me ready for a job training seminar. Now, in a normal house with normal kids, getting ready in the morning is probably a pretty easy thing to do. But, not in mine. My oldest one wants to sit and wait until the last possible second to get ready so that he feels like he is racing the clock. My other son just moves extremely slowly, and freaks out if he can't find everything he needs right at his fingertips. So, mornings become just another argument. On top of all of that, I couldn't find my shoes. But, we finally made it out the door right at the last possible second. But, I left with shoes in hand, and my make-up left undone.
     Luckily, my grandmother was driving us this morning, so we put my oldest on the bus, and we were off on our adventure for the day. I managed to get my shoes on while we drove to the pre-school. I took Caleb in and when I came back out, this very inconsiderate man had me blocked in. This happens almost every day, so I decided I had had enough. I went back into the school and said something to the director about it, so she sent home a letter requesting parents be more considerate of other people in the parking area.
     So, after we finally got out of the parking lot, we had to go to the grocery store. I, luckily, managed to get my make-up done while on the way there. So, a quick run through the grocery store to grab a few things that we needed and then I had to go to my job training seminar. I get there, and it's 8:30 already, so no time to stop to breathe into class I go. The class was very helpful, but it was very fast paced. I learned lots of new skills, put together a resume, took four assessments, and applied for six jobs online while I was there.
     My grandmother, who had my daughter all this time, had to pick my middle child back up from school and came from there to get me by 2:00. We had just enough time to get home to get my oldest one off the bus. So then, we had homework, and dinner, and a trip to play in the neighbor's sprinkler. And, I think my kids ears must not work because I yelled for them several times while looking right at them, but they, of course, didn't come. So, I had to go after them, and of course, I got soaked. So, we came in and got dry clothes on, and they sat and played where I can see them while I posted this.
     And, now, it's time to go, again. We are going to curriculum night at Joseph's school where the teacher will tell us about what she expects from us for the year. Just in case we aren't busy enough.... From there we are going to out first night of Scouts for the year, where they, in turn, will tell us what all they expect from us. We should make it home by around 9:00, so that we can get showers and go to bed so we can start all over again tomorrow with our busy lives.
     I don't know how we are supposed to fit it all in. PTA, schoolwork, jobs, church, Scouts, and still have time left to just relax. How do you do it? Why do so many people expect so much activity from everyone else? What happened to when life was supposedly more simple? I don't know, but if anyone has anything to add, please post below. Thanks.

The Joys of Motherhood

     I am a separated mother of three, and the last few days have been very trying. My kids are seven, four, & two. The older two are boys and the youngest is a girl. Their names are Joseph, Caleb, and Ruthie.
     So on Friday, my two boys got in a fight with two of the neighborhood boys because my oldest one wanted my younger one to win a foot race. That makes the second fight they've been in this week. I am never sure the right way to handle a situation like this. Both times, I brought all the children involved inside and asked them individually what had happened step by step. The first time, I told the mother of the child who instigated it. And, grounded my kids from playing with him for a couple of days. I thought that would help, but obviously not because a few days later, the second fight happened. So this time, after talking to all of them again, I told them they could go back and play-if they could play nice. But, who knows how long that will last?
     Then, yesterday, my oldest went, with the same two neighborhood boys he was in the fight with the day before, to yet another neighbor's house while they weren't home. For some reason, these boys decided it was a good idea to go into that man's fence and play soccer. Did I mention this man has three dogs in said fence, including a rottweiler? So, of course the dogs got after the boys, and the father of one of them had to save them, getting himself bit in the process. So, more grounding. And, he had to apologize to the neighbors, both the one whose yard he went in and the one who got bit.
     The bad thing about them being grounded is it puts them in the house all day with nothing to do but get in trouble. So, being grounded for last night and all of today resulted in things like chocolate syrup all over my kitchen floor, shaving cream in my daughter's face and all over the bedroom floor, fingernail polish in my daughter's hair and on her brother's bedroom floor, a broken bed frame, lots of spilled drinks, a few bite marks, which sadly weren't left just by my two-year old, melted ice cream, and a flooded bathroom. So, what do I do as a punishment for these things? Reward them by sending them out to play so they can't tear anything else up, or ground them even longer, which will inevitably lead to more destruction?
     This is just an example of the things that happen on a regular basis with my three kids. Are other people's kids this wild? How do you adequately discipline them without making yourself crazy? Will they ever outgrow it? I can definitely say though that at the end of the day, I love them enough that, even with all the messes, I wouldn't trade them for anything. All it takes is a hug, or a smile, or an "I love you, Mama," to make it all go away. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section. Thanks. :)