All, I can say is Wow! It's been what seems like forever since I sat down and did this last... In fact it has been a little over eight months. OMG! I never thought so much could happen in what is actually a short period of time, but boy did it... I'll catch you up on the things that have happened since the last post, and then I'm going to start back blogging regularly. Okay? So here goes:
January: That's when I wrote last. I was laying on a bed in an apartment in Forest Park, thinking that the life I was living was fun.... After that, I was down there three days, home three days, then there three days, again until mid-March. The entire time, I was battling the thing I hated the most, but DJ, the boy down there, pulled me into it worse than I had ever been before then.
Mid-March: I stopped going down there because I got pissed off about something, and I had realized it was much easier for me to get high, here. And, while the sex down there was good, it wasn't bad here.... Things, for me, just got crazier after that.
April: The 1st day of this moth was my homeboy Matt's birthday, so I spent it and the next one in the trailerhood with him, Freddy, Alex, & Charlie... That was tons of mostly free fun. After his birthday, I was back in the trailerhood to see Freddy a few more times throughout the next few weeks, and then by mid April, I was back to being friends with Jesse. And, I let him pull me even further into the game by letting him use a needle on me. BIG mistake! But, I didn't realize, then. He hung out pretty steady the last two weeks of that month, with different others popping in and out.
May: MB, DJ, Lester, and Joe all moved in here, and Jesse popped in and out, all while I was mostly trying to stay clean. With all their drama and everybody wanting me to lie to someone else on their behalf, plus trying to keep up with my own lies, was so overwhelming, by mid-June, I was using again. By then, though, Joe and Lester had been locked up, MB had gone to a different state, and DJ was trying to talk me into coming to Forest Park all over again. Jesse, at the same time was trying to convince me to get a trailer with him... So, with these two boys, who for some reason, had such pull on me and what I thought I wanted, what did I do? Went to Forest Park for a week and promised DJ I was going to move down there with him like he asked as soon as I got the money to come. Then I told Jesse that he knew he was more important and that I, of course, would move into his trailer with him. And, then left them each thinking that I was going to keep my promise to him because he was who mattered most.... All the way up until the beginning of July. During that time, I also got to see Matt, again. That was fun, but then things got a little messy...
July: I chose to move into Jesse's trailer and buy us a truck, but was still talking to DJ telling him that he could come whenever and that I would come see him and stuff. DJ kept getting so irritated with me, especially when he found out that I was letting Jesse call the shots because Jesse and DJ hated each other. By mid-July, though, Jesse was seeing Lacey, so I went to pick up DJ for the night, even though I was supposed to be spending the next day with Freddy... I never made it to Freddy because DJ and I picked up Crissy, and then he ran my truck into a tree. That sucked! And, landed me back at my Grandma's, where I am still.
During that same month, though, I realized alot of things, such as:
a) I was done staying strung out like that. The addiction was taking over my life and I had to walk away.
b) I didn't really owe Jesse, or DJ, or any one else for that matter, anything. The most important people in my life weren't my "folks". It was my kids.
c) My grandma's house was the best place to be if I was going to stay clean.
d) I had more respect for both Freddy and Skitso and their opinions than I had previously realized. Love me some Waleska Boys!
e) Everything I had hated in life was exactly what I had become and I was fixing to lose it all.
f) My marriage had no hope of being saved because we couldn't stand to even be in the same room with each other.
g) My kids went to meet their teachers at the end of this month and they were going to need me around and focused if they were going to make it through the year.
August: Things were a little hectic, but way better than July. I missed Jesse, but talked to him quite a bit. I worked with my kids on school stuff, got Billy's visitation set up the best way I could, and found out a boy named Dillon was pretty good company. And, I got to see Freddy, who always leaves a lasting impression with his remarks. Saw DJ and MB again, too, which led to some controversy, considering... But, oh-well.
September: I mostly stayed away from the people who would tempt me into using, built a pretty good friendship with my ex, Justin, got to know Dillon a little better, started a support group for recovering addicts, set up a time to start out-patient rehab, hung out with Crissy, realized Jesse was not truly my friend, got caught up on school, spent lots of time with my kids, and the month ended with Freddy building me a new swing and making a statement on my walls, both of which I love.
So, now it's October, and I'll be blogging to keep you updated. This month, I'm trying to finish my school term, find a job, start the rehab program, and still have time for friends, without letting people influence me. And, I'm hoping that by this time next month, my best friend, Lester, is out and back around. So, thanks for reading, and see you next time. Deuces.
January: That's when I wrote last. I was laying on a bed in an apartment in Forest Park, thinking that the life I was living was fun.... After that, I was down there three days, home three days, then there three days, again until mid-March. The entire time, I was battling the thing I hated the most, but DJ, the boy down there, pulled me into it worse than I had ever been before then.
Mid-March: I stopped going down there because I got pissed off about something, and I had realized it was much easier for me to get high, here. And, while the sex down there was good, it wasn't bad here.... Things, for me, just got crazier after that.
April: The 1st day of this moth was my homeboy Matt's birthday, so I spent it and the next one in the trailerhood with him, Freddy, Alex, & Charlie... That was tons of mostly free fun. After his birthday, I was back in the trailerhood to see Freddy a few more times throughout the next few weeks, and then by mid April, I was back to being friends with Jesse. And, I let him pull me even further into the game by letting him use a needle on me. BIG mistake! But, I didn't realize, then. He hung out pretty steady the last two weeks of that month, with different others popping in and out.
May: MB, DJ, Lester, and Joe all moved in here, and Jesse popped in and out, all while I was mostly trying to stay clean. With all their drama and everybody wanting me to lie to someone else on their behalf, plus trying to keep up with my own lies, was so overwhelming, by mid-June, I was using again. By then, though, Joe and Lester had been locked up, MB had gone to a different state, and DJ was trying to talk me into coming to Forest Park all over again. Jesse, at the same time was trying to convince me to get a trailer with him... So, with these two boys, who for some reason, had such pull on me and what I thought I wanted, what did I do? Went to Forest Park for a week and promised DJ I was going to move down there with him like he asked as soon as I got the money to come. Then I told Jesse that he knew he was more important and that I, of course, would move into his trailer with him. And, then left them each thinking that I was going to keep my promise to him because he was who mattered most.... All the way up until the beginning of July. During that time, I also got to see Matt, again. That was fun, but then things got a little messy...
July: I chose to move into Jesse's trailer and buy us a truck, but was still talking to DJ telling him that he could come whenever and that I would come see him and stuff. DJ kept getting so irritated with me, especially when he found out that I was letting Jesse call the shots because Jesse and DJ hated each other. By mid-July, though, Jesse was seeing Lacey, so I went to pick up DJ for the night, even though I was supposed to be spending the next day with Freddy... I never made it to Freddy because DJ and I picked up Crissy, and then he ran my truck into a tree. That sucked! And, landed me back at my Grandma's, where I am still.
During that same month, though, I realized alot of things, such as:
a) I was done staying strung out like that. The addiction was taking over my life and I had to walk away.
b) I didn't really owe Jesse, or DJ, or any one else for that matter, anything. The most important people in my life weren't my "folks". It was my kids.
c) My grandma's house was the best place to be if I was going to stay clean.
d) I had more respect for both Freddy and Skitso and their opinions than I had previously realized. Love me some Waleska Boys!
e) Everything I had hated in life was exactly what I had become and I was fixing to lose it all.
f) My marriage had no hope of being saved because we couldn't stand to even be in the same room with each other.
g) My kids went to meet their teachers at the end of this month and they were going to need me around and focused if they were going to make it through the year.
August: Things were a little hectic, but way better than July. I missed Jesse, but talked to him quite a bit. I worked with my kids on school stuff, got Billy's visitation set up the best way I could, and found out a boy named Dillon was pretty good company. And, I got to see Freddy, who always leaves a lasting impression with his remarks. Saw DJ and MB again, too, which led to some controversy, considering... But, oh-well.
September: I mostly stayed away from the people who would tempt me into using, built a pretty good friendship with my ex, Justin, got to know Dillon a little better, started a support group for recovering addicts, set up a time to start out-patient rehab, hung out with Crissy, realized Jesse was not truly my friend, got caught up on school, spent lots of time with my kids, and the month ended with Freddy building me a new swing and making a statement on my walls, both of which I love.
So, now it's October, and I'll be blogging to keep you updated. This month, I'm trying to finish my school term, find a job, start the rehab program, and still have time for friends, without letting people influence me. And, I'm hoping that by this time next month, my best friend, Lester, is out and back around. So, thanks for reading, and see you next time. Deuces.
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